Give up control

I was in a 1:1 with a senior engineer. We were talking about an upcoming project.

As they were talking about their approach, I found myself biting my tongue.

Why are you doing that? You could do X instead...

You’ve likely had similar thoughts.

It’s not easy to handle those situations well. Earlier in my career - and even now if I’m having an off day - I would jump straight to giving advice.

In the moment, it can even feel great.

I’ve solved their problem, on to the next thing.

But I robbed them of a learning and growth opportunity.

I really only solved my short-term problem. And did both of us a disservice in the long-term.

How else could you handle that?

Ask questions.

Good questions.

It can take practice for your questions to be useful coaching tools.

But asking questions is an exercise in putting them in the driver’s seat and making you the helpful passenger.

You’re not in control. You’re making sure they don’t miss the exit.

One of the hardest parts of leadership - good leadership - is giving up control. Don't do the task, don't make the decision. Provide context, guidance, and space. That's how people grow. And it's the only way you'll grow beyond yourself.

What’s one of your go-to questions?